r/shitposting 10d ago Bravo! 1 Lawyer Up 1

Dickfishing This post is about stuff

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31.0k Upvotes

u/QualityVote I have permission! 10d ago

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1.1k

u/duffman886 10d ago

The nerve of some men. Men should be more courteous and send dick pic to every girls they see. BURP!!!

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u/ABRIM11 10d ago

Gee, I don’t know, Rick. I thought women kinda hate that.

17

u/Smart-Mathematician7 10d ago

Rick and Morty cocreator Justin Roiland wouldn't know

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u/GrumpyOldMan59 10d ago

I was in the pool!!

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u/Black_Magic_M-66 10d ago

Anthony Weiner has entered the conversation.

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u/zurkon95 Stuff 10d ago

What do we gotta bring measurements cards now ?

1.7k

u/Leavemealone12334 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 10d ago

Gotta whip it out with a ruler

677

u/tommos 10d ago Gold

Ok but lets see Paul Allen's penis.

242

u/Jimmy-Pesto-Jr Big chungus wholesome 100 10d ago

"I can't believe that Bryce prefers Van Patten's penis to mine."

216

u/AutomaTK 10d ago

The subtle off white coloring... 🥺

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u/bloody_terrible 10d ago

It even has a watermark.

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u/JackosMonkeyBBLZ 10d ago

Something wrong, Patrick? You’re sweating

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u/fucktarddabarbarian 10d ago

It's embossed!!!!

90

u/Narstification 10d ago

Is that bone?

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u/bloody_terrible 10d ago

The tasteful thickness of it.

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u/CashWrecks 10d ago

I think I'm gonna be sick

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u/amusso6 10d ago

This might be the funniest comment placement of 2023 for me.

Well done, and fuck you

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u/TactualTransAm 10d ago

What if I get a ruler tattooed onto it

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u/Faloonm 10d ago

I’m not sure what they would charge for a 3cm ruler mate…

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u/totallynotaniceguy I want pee in my ass 10d ago

American here. You think that's crazy? They charged me $700 for a 2 weevil long ruler.

88

u/SitFlexAlot 10d ago

Yours came in weevil? My measurements are in BigMacTM

31

u/totallynotaniceguy I want pee in my ass 10d ago

That's weird, I went to double check and it actually changed. They changed from weevil to Nintendo DS stylus widths. It's.. roughly 2.

Out of morbid curiosity, how many BigMacTM s are yours?

19

u/SitFlexAlot 10d ago

Well that's just rude. Don't you know it's impolite to ask a man his penis size. Kids today...

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u/totallynotaniceguy I want pee in my ass 10d ago

Penis size? Hold up, I thought we were talking about the length of our saguaro cactus buds we've all had growing since grade 7.

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u/SitFlexAlot 10d ago

Oh! In that case it's 2 and 3/4 BigMacsTM big now!

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u/Admirable-Hospital78 10d ago

Dickpic's true purpose

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u/shinm4 10d ago

yeah, alternative title: "Why you should always send a dpic before the first date."

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u/ontheonthechainwax 10d ago

I'm shook. I can't believe I misjudged these tactful, caring, sensitive men. Shame on me.

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u/SplendidAngharad 10d ago

I snorted. Soooo many men are apparently already being upfront. What more could she possibly want?

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u/Y_Sam 10d ago

A nice personality along with a fat wallet to keep her "invested" apparently.

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u/ApprehensiveTrust962 10d ago

No you must simply whip out mid date on the table

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u/notpepetho 10d ago

I came here to say this. Thank you for your service.

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u/rdmxcn 10d ago

good thing I don't have to dickfish thanks to my 2 inches, imagine having a small dick and needing to recur to this, smh

1.3k

u/Dnoxl 10d ago

I mean an inch is already alot what could they possibly want more?

569

u/SOAPToni 10d ago

Give them an inch, they take a mile walk away from you smh.

44

u/d15c0nn3ctxx 10d ago

If they only know what an inch is like, an inch is all they need. This woman clearly like radiator hoses.

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u/atommathyou 10d ago edited 10d ago

This makes me think a a joke a woman who did construction told me:

Why are women bad carpenters? - holds up pinky because they've been told by men all their life that this is six inches

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u/d15c0nn3ctxx 10d ago

LOL you hear the craziest jokes from guys that do co construction work

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u/redditslooseslots 10d ago

Oh well look at Mr big dick over here with the TWO inch slanger. Leave some poon for the rest of us, brah

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u/Distinct-Speed-9474 10d ago

TWO inch

you sound like an Italian mobster

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u/Lucyintheye 10d ago

"They call him Tony Two Inch, because he always has to tell everyone about his 2inch boxah monstah" favorite quote from my favorite mobster movie, beneficial gentlemen.

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u/AppleCrumblePie99 10d ago

2 inches? Johnny Sins this you?

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u/SuperUnintelligent 10d ago

Stop being such a show off. Damn you 3 legged man.

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u/No-Communication6459 10d ago

You’re a fucking monster, damn

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u/porkyboy11 10d ago

Wow that's huge, ginormous even. I wish mine was that big

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u/PandaKing185 10d ago

This is a joke right? You're kidding? Nobody is actually that massive

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u/Hamzook 10d ago

I refuse to believe it

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u/-LuciditySam- 10d ago

Ever take your pants off and get asked why you have a second belly button?

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u/Repulsive-Estimate67 10d ago

2 inches at 400rpm will fuck some shit up.

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u/No_Treat_6727 10d ago

Enough reading... Time for the taste test

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u/CluDaCreator I want pee in my ass 10d ago

Holy....... bros PACKING! 1 inch is a bakery but bros packing a FACTORY. Git flexing at this point

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u/Traficante-de-Risas 10d ago

Bro don't have to dickfish, he straight went to dickwhaling.

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u/GLnoG 10d ago

That shit is BIG. Fuckin' intercontinental missile hanging down between your legs, goddamn.

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u/FluffyResource 10d ago To The Stars

You fucking porn star Chad's just have to bring up your massive cocks every chance you get eh. Just because the last time I tried to fuck my girlfriend her immune system fought it does not mean I am any less of a man.

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u/Meme_Pickle 10d ago

stop lying that abnormally large

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u/SaintSagan81 10d ago Silver

Personally, when I'm dating a girl... the smaller the penis, the better

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u/TonyWhoop 10d ago

I mean, no penis is ideal, but I’m fine with a nub. I mean, I’m fine with a knuckle’s length, but it better not be bigger than mine. That’s where the line is drawn.

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u/Kronaska 10d ago

I love how the standards dropped with each sentence 💀

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u/TonyWhoop 10d ago

20 bucks is 20 bucks

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u/Kronaska 10d ago

It can be a lot more depending on which part of the world you're spending

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u/TonyWhoop 10d ago

Are you trying to seduce me?

43

u/Kronaska 10d ago

Trying? Haha, it's already too late for you

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u/TonyWhoop 10d ago

Lol, it’s working

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u/SeaAcanthocephala701 10d ago

And that's how I met your mother

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u/indecisiveScatrbrain 10d ago

Speak for yourself

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u/HHACarvalho 10d ago I'll Drink to That

What about that burp in the middle? The only thing I paid attention to...

2.3k

u/Gorperino 10d ago

I would be arguing with this post like everyone else but that was just too funny that I believe it is satire now.

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u/HHACarvalho 10d ago

Probably right

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u/driving_andflying 10d ago

Hell, the burp in the middle is the only thing that sold me on this video. :)

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u/CreativeMischief 10d ago

Wait do people not realize that this is satire?

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u/levian_durai 10d ago

You give people too much credit. I'm sure you've seen a ton of posts using /s that very clearly don't need it.

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u/engagetangos 10d ago

its brittany venti of course its a troll

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u/flamethrower78 10d ago

you act as though this name is recognizable to most people

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u/sockbref 10d ago

What’s a brittany venti?

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u/Totally_Safe_Website 10d ago

It’s like a Brittany grande but bigger

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u/sevenworm 10d ago

Holy shit, now I have to find an Ariana Venti

17

u/Cautious-Angle1634 10d ago

Skip straight for the Arianna Trenta , whole new game

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u/Embarrassed_Alarm450 10d ago

She's a twitch troll who would pretend to get super outraged so people would donate. Her whole schtick is having fake meltdowns whenever someone made a donation and showed some 'offensive' video. Haven't heard her name in years but apparently she's making somewhat of a comeback after the whole twitter thing, didn't even realize she was still around tho...

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u/CAPTAIN_SKINNYPENIS 10d ago

FUCKING NORMIES

GET OFF OF MY STREAM

REEEEEEE

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u/Cantcomplainnn 10d ago

It's Brittany, Belch

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u/Tom0204 10d ago

Yeah its intended to trigger men. This kinda thing happens a lot on tiktok

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u/mortimus9 10d ago

And subsequently gets posted here to trigger more men lol

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u/Big_Boss1985 10d ago

She burps like a 50 year old obese father after his 5th beer

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u/GenXPostFacto 10d ago

Can confirm. I'm the guy in the analogy.

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u/SaintSagan81 10d ago

Welcome to my Ted Talk blurrrpp...... penis

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u/stewmander 10d ago

Listen Morty, here's the secret to urrrrp....y-you gotta send 'em dick pics.

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u/ryansports 10d ago

If you just keep restarting this video at the 33 second mark, it's exceedingly more interesting.

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u/robot_handjob Literally 1984 😡 10d ago

Prob chugged some fizzy cum before filming

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u/6uillermo66 10d ago Gold Take My Energy Starry Snek I'll Drink to That

You can avoid dickfishing with 1 simple trick. Blow him on the first date.

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u/BeezNuttz 10d ago

Good plan!

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u/PoignantOpinionsOnly 10d ago edited 10d ago

Terrible plan.

You think you're going to get a blowjob but then she can't control her laughter when she sees your small dick and leaves you on the spot.

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u/wittymcusername 10d ago

Your dick has leaves? That’s called a tree, bro.

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u/giggleshits417 10d ago

I second this motion.

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u/weirdAtoms 10d ago

What motion? Head bobbing?

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u/Find_another_whey 10d ago

Sigh, imma go third then...

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u/awesomefutureperfect 10d ago

Seriously. 6 dates before the big show comes out?

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u/DeadLungsThe2nd 10d ago

Big shows entrance starts playing

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u/Binky216 10d ago

Absolutely. If dick size it’s important, why are you waiting 6 dates before you go at it?

That being said, I’ve known many a woman who would have been happy to deal with a smaller member…

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u/FatrickTomlinson88 10d ago

That being said, I’ve known many a woman who would have been happy to deal with a smaller member…

I've met them too, your wife is the envy of the whole group.

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u/LDG192 10d ago

If you wrote a book I'd buy it.

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u/didntflush 10d ago

Plz run for president. This is a message all Americans can get behind

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u/icejohnw 10d ago

i always lead my relationships with " i have a 3 inch PP " ... that way they are impressed by my 3.5 inches

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u/TheResplendentPoster 10d ago

Undersell and overdeliver. Respect.

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u/cat_blep 10d ago

try: i’ve got a dick like a baby boy. 6 pounds 10 ounces.

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u/[deleted] 10d ago All-Seeing Upvote Brighten My Day

As a victim of pussyfishing, I can relate.

2.1k

u/Gryph0th 10d ago Got the W

Man I hate it when these girls seduce me with their fat tits and not tell me about their small pussies. I can't even fit bro.

690

u/WurdaMouth 10d ago

Bruh this mf spittin

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u/SellerOfWorlds 10d ago

Gonna be spittin on that dry, tight pussy the rest of his life. Rip in Peace

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u/OccultMachines 10d ago

walkin into the dentists lookin for a cure for drymouth cause the saliva glands ran out

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u/LMacUltimateMain 10d ago

Sometimes you salivate a lot and don’t wish to swallow it so you gotta spit it out. No matter how I would try to write this sentence, it’s still gonna turn out really sexual

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u/WurdaMouth 10d ago

What the fuck is sex? Dude, you’re weird

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u/rolling-log 10d ago edited 10d ago

Dude you're not supposed to climb in like it's a sleeping bag Damb.

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u/Sunburned_Baby 10d ago

Mommy, I’m home!

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u/rolling-log 10d ago

Shloop

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u/That_FireAlarm_Guy 10d ago

I know that sound, it’s good macaroni

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u/SudoTheNym 10d ago

This truly is all that men want, a penis home. We will even settle for a penis garage or a penis parking spot, but really, in our heart of hearts, we want a penis home. A cozy one: Not a mcmansion. A single family, one story penis home. Think of the homeless peni!

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u/RatOnABoat 10d ago

Like throwing a sausage down a hallway?

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

I’m actually not talking about tightness. My preference is for a large outie “butterfly wing”-style labia. I have been on many dates with a woman only to be disappointed upon finding she had an “innie” vagina with small labia 😢

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u/jackrip761 10d ago Gold hehehehe Starry Tearing Up

You know you've hit the lottery when she drops trow and it looks like a box of cow tounges. And when your done, it looks like a bulldog opened a jar of mayo.

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u/Sunburned_Baby 10d ago Spit-take

This is poetry

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u/SGLpathfinder 10d ago

Dude you made me cry

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u/Old_Passage_5670 10d ago

WHO wrote that James Joyce?

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u/Odd_Assistance_1613 10d ago

That's absolutely appalling. Have an award.

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u/SteveBlakesButtPlug 10d ago

I only like the small labia. Should we network and start trading pussy?

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u/zeroxcero 10d ago

You like the roast beef vagoo? Ok to each their own

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u/scorpiogre 10d ago

Arby's has entered the conversation

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u/TheRanger118 10d ago

ALL OUR FOOD KEEPS BLOWING UPPP

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u/1stshadowx 10d ago

With its special sauce

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u/Complete-Bake6245 10d ago Eureka!

Do you want the dick pics or not?

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u/Shamwowz21 10d ago

Schrodinger’s Lawsuit

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u/Drew10shelton 10d ago

A lawsuit as a consequence of a dick pic can exist simultaneously with the return of nudes. Once the pic is sent your reality diverges and your consciousness is forced to diverge with it.

This means that you aren’t necessarily a beta male nor are you a creep. You are just a victim of quantum mechanics and there is another you with mega rizz somewhere in another universe.

Keep on harassing my friends. Eventually you will merge to a universe that gives you the big tiddy goth girl friend that you deserve.

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u/CrabClawAngry 10d ago

The chauvinist version of Everything Everywhere All At Once that I didn't know I needed.

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u/space_D_BRE 10d ago

Asking the real questions 😂

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u/MyButtholeIsTight 10d ago

Yep, if you don't want to get dickfished then don't wait until date 13 before trying to catch a glimpse. In that case you can only blame yourself.

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u/LiKINGtheODds 10d ago

Glad i watched this so now i know i need to whip out the ol’flan jammer on the first date and lay it on the dinner table

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u/ElvisDumbledore 10d ago

I think someone missed the point of the movie.

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u/BeezNuttz 10d ago

Yeah, my first question was what does she think catfishing means?

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u/HippopotamicLandMass 10d ago

what does she think catfishing means?

she defined it herself in the first few seconds:

 *when men take women to the pool, et cetera.*

what does that even mean‽‽‽‽‽

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u/lahimatoa 10d ago

She's misusing the term catfishing, likely for trolling purposes.

Catfishing: When you create an entirely fake persona online and someone falls in love with it. Manti T'eo is the biggest example of a catfishing victim.

Wearing makeup is not catfishing. But some dudes thinks it's dishonest, so they recommend you take your date to a pool for the first date, so you can see how she looks without makeup.

Hope that helps.

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u/HippopotamicLandMass 10d ago

it does help! Thanks for the explanation

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u/Celeste_TransGirl 10d ago

That burp tho💀💀💀

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u/zeroxcero 10d ago

I exhaled air from my nose there

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u/Cave_dweller123 10d ago

Shrimp gang! RISE UP! 🍤🔥

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u/iiDemonLord 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 10d ago

The burp really sent the point home

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u/AmNotSatan 10d ago

Made me think for just a briefest moment that this is some advanced Rick and Morty troll shit or something.

Come on Morty! You got to have a big penis! Don't lie to her about your penis Morty. It's important Morty! Here! Urghhh! Take these pills Morty! They're going to make your cock huge Morty! You're going to slay the pussy Morty!

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u/warpedashell 10d ago

Guy takes off his pants and the prostitute starts laughing. “Who do you think you’re going to please with that little thing”? He calmly responds “Me bitch, Me”!

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u/superfreaklagos 10d ago

I witnessed a break up once in college where as the guy was walking after being dumped his now Ex screamed "I faked all my orgasms!" He just shrugged "Mine were real"

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u/pulzeguy 10d ago

Hyper chad

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u/BartolomeuOGrosso 10d ago

I never understood that logic, I mean I get the logical assumption of emotional damage and power play but bruh you're letting youself get fucked still

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u/ScowlEasy 10d ago

Also it’s kind of shitty to imply that it’s the man’s job to make you orgasm, instead of communicating with your partner about your wants/needs.

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u/superfreaklagos 10d ago

this a million times. Communicate with your partner on what gets each other off.

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u/LemonPartyWorldTour 10d ago

For me, I like when the woman has vaginas

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u/NeoDestrider_274 10d ago

Multiple?

Tough..

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u/Usling123 10d ago

Tough, but not impossible.

She's out there

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u/EnragedSpartens 10d ago

Yo I haven't seen Brittany Venti in years!

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u/3168154815162342 10d ago

She was in a Louis Theroux documentary last year about some of the people she was associating with. Apparently she realized that the guys who talked about hating women actually just hate women including her, and she wasn't special to them. She thought they were all criticizing the women she didn't like, and it was fun until it turned on her too.

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u/horror_hermit 10d ago

Wasn't sure if that was her or not, last time I seen her it was crying on twitch while people trolled the hell out of her. Lol...sigh good times.

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u/_Alternate_Ending_ 10d ago

She was pretty obviously faking it. If anything she was trolling them.

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

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u/Liquidust256 10d ago

Very good Greg, Can we go around the room and introduce ourselves? I’m Stanley, I have a small penis too and women say I’m fake because I have a good personality.

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u/jhonnywhistle08 DaPucci 10d ago

her credibility went from 0 to 100 the moment she burped

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u/Parabellim 10d ago Wholesome Seal of Approval

Oh I thought dickfishing was when you go home with a girl but they have an Adam’s Apple

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u/32BitWhore 10d ago

"I hooked a big one!"

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u/Biggie_Moose 10d ago

"oh my gosh I'm so emotionally invested in this relationship that I don't care how much I enjoy their company, their dick size is all that matters

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u/Toastedtoastyyy mr toasted mod 10d ago

ragebait lmao

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u/KiwiSpike1 10d ago

look behind you

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u/Chitpost-Chieftan 10d ago

BOO!

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u/Toastedtoastyyy mr toasted mod 10d ago

🤯

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u/Will_Block03 10d ago

Ik 5.5 is average but stuff like this gets me down sometimes (real, based, redpilled)

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u/Biggie_Moose 10d ago

Hey king, I know the feel. I've been there. But I can tell you from experience that having a good personality is leagues more important than having a big dick. Chin up.

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

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u/Biggie_Moose 10d ago

Then change that. You can't do much about your dick, but you can take up a hobby and build yourself up. I believe in you.

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u/bertha01 10d ago

as a female representative i assure you most of us don't care. our brains are wired differently than yours are. it's really about emotional connection. if you communicate and see what she likes, what you like - you'll be better than an 10 inch monster dick. there are poses in bed that you can do with 5.5 inches and it will drive a girl crazy, but if you have a really big dick you can't focus on anything but the hurt while it's hitting your cervix. been there, done that. if you touch a girl in all the right places and she likes you believe me when i say that you will drive her crazy. it's all about communication and mutual connection. i dunno about other girls, but i always worry that my vagina is too loose or that my breasts are too big, stuff like that. it's normal. the sooner you learn how to embrace it, the better your sex life will become

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u/siraliases 10d ago

As someone who is in a committed relationship, with a woman who has said literally all these things,

Thank you. It's nice to keep hearing it. Posts like this really can drag on you... And posts like yours can pick you back up :)

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u/goodolarchie 10d ago

What's the average length of emotional connection?

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u/variouspersonas 10d ago

Same. I get that its mostly ppl intentionally trolling but as someone with both a normal/small pp and a generally nice demeanor who just wants to be loved, the way this has resurfaced so prominently in the last few years has been frustrating.

I understand the anti-man sentiment and the ease at which people are comfortable shaming mens bodies is a response. Still, kinda hurts ngl!

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u/Sevenfootschnitzell 10d ago

I honestly think you’re being a bit too nice here. It’s actually pretty fucked that society thinks it’s fun and cool to try and make men as insecure as possible. This girl is being “cool” and “edgy”, but if a guy makes a video talking about being lured in by a girls personality only to find out she has a beefy vagina, he’s a douchebag or an asshole. Which, yeah he is, but so is this girl and anyone who supports this sentiment.

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u/kenken528 10d ago

Her burp with no interruption in speaking was fabulous.

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u/Independent_Spend_19 10d ago

yes listen to her normalize fucking and finding out the first date 🤣 for those who are only dtf and not have a relationship the state of women rn is heaven 👌

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u/menolikechildlikers 10d ago

She got really disappointed by Nick Fuentes huh?

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u/YOOOOOOOOOOT 10d ago

This is why I always start conversations with dickpics

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u/Excellent_Ad_7295 10d ago

Bruh whatever. I’m tired of hearing about women talking about dicks.

Most of them cannot even tell the difference between a 5 inch dick and an 8 inch one.

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u/Mountain-Ad-244 10d ago

Know your worth kings. if a chick wants you only for your dick she doesn’t love you. Little peepe squad unite.

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u/Old-Tourist8173 10d ago

Me on the first date: “3 inches. Take it or leave it.”

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u/Worlds_Dumbest_Nerd 10d ago

This wouldn't be a problem if you fucked on the first date but y'all ain't ready to hear that.

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u/AdStrong809 10d ago edited 10d ago

So wiping off all the girls makeup and checking natural hair color while on the first date should be standard procedure.

Edit: also add checking for bra stuffing, height without heels, and number of baby daddies in her life.

2nd Edit: stomach tucking devices, butt lifting underwear, wigs or false hair.

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u/darexinfinity 10d ago

Let's just turn dating into an interview.

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u/sl_v2 10d ago

dont forget their weight

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

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u/Ok-Yam-9023 10d ago

If you don't have big tits which you obviously don't then you ain't got no right to complain about dick size

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u/DoctaDookie 10d ago

Quality shitpost, ngl

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u/Captn_Ice 10d ago

She gave a strong pro fuck on the first date stance

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u/Downtown-Antelope-82 10d ago

Body shaming at its finest.